Direction, Support and Belonging...

SO...
I have made no bones about the fact that ever since we "graduated" from homeschooling I have felt lost, I thought I had found myself but it just wasn't feeling right. I made some great new friends along this ride this past year of trying to find the new me, and while some will always be there or at least I hope, I have been feeling God pull me in a different direction for sometime. I could not really hear what he was saying because there has been a lot of noise going on in my life. But these last two weeks I have been really listening and trying to understand this path he wants me to take.

  I have strayed away from the people who truly support me in all decisions I make. Lately I have had people not be very supportive even though they claim to be. It has torn me down and I started to let them get in my head. Because of other issues in my life I have had to distance myself from a few things in my life and in the process have figured out what God has been trying to tell me all along, this was meant has a journey in my life but was not the destination. I have put me and my creativity aside for just business and it is not who I am. I am no longer finding joy in what I do and it is tearing me up. It caused some issues at home, as I was hardly ever home. My family was missing what we always had and that was time for us. Sure with everyone's busy schedules it is harder and harder to connect but I simply was not present hardly at all. I lost my focus of what is truly important and that is my family and what will make my family better is having me home more and focused more on us. More home cooked family meals, more movie and game nights and more happy Mom.

 A good friend recently told me she was worried about me as I had lost my sparkle, and you know what she was right. At the time I could not put my finger on it but I recently had that AH HA Moment and it just about smacked me upside the head. I forgot to listen to God and I forgot to trust in his plan, but I am listening and I am working on being more intentional, more intentional with my husband and more intentional with my kids and more intentional with myself. I love school and  I am proud of myself for going back and working on getting my degree. I let some people make me think it was not important and that I was wasting my time, I should have been doing what was important to them but what is important to them is not important to me. I have to do what is important to me and my family and I cannot let others make me feel guilty for that. I let others tell me that my marriage was not worth fighting for and I let them get inside my head. My husband has issues and yes I am worn out but I am not done fighting but I am done letting people try to tell me how to feel or what to do. I will continue to pray and seek options for help for my husband and I need to surround myself with like minded friends and not those that do not truly have my or my family's best interests in mind. SO enough babbling... New opportunities come knocking and the next month will be a focus of family and school and then look for an announcement to come the end of February,  A new adventure that will feed my spirit and my creativity but also bring in income for my family. I am excited to share with you but you will have to wait a little bit for that.